Reflection: My understanding of submission.

I love to sit and reflect on the past.

I probably do it too often. It can’t hurt to look back and see how far I have come. I talked with my S about things the other day. One of the things that stood out to me was how I viewed submission, and how it was beneficial. I didn’t realise that former me even really had this bias. However, I totally did.

A part of me wondered why S craved and needed it so badly. Even when I took ownership of him, a part of me still wondered whether this was a good thing for him. There were times when I even wondered whether I could do it.

Submission is what he needs.

He is submissive.

It is where his soul is happy.

It is where he is happiest. It is, well, it where his soul is where it is supposed to be.

This isn’t for everyone. No-one should be pressured into submitting to someone they don’t want to. It also brought up how I viewed my Domination. I’m happier when I am in the Dominant role within a relationship. It is where I am happiest and strongest. Besides not being ready. I think that was a lot of issues with my previous relationships. Although that is another large and ranty blog about a range of things, lol.

Being vulnerable to your partner is not a sign of weakness. I love when we switch although this is natural for us.

Before My beloved S, I don’t think I really understood it before and this, is perfect.

We laugh, play games together, watch movies, chat about anything and everything, yet with a click of My fingers. It all changes. My beloved S is always Mine. Always. Yet the protocol level changes.

I am so incredibly blessed.

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Protocol & Rules in BDSM

Disclaimer: This is all my opinion and thoughts on the matter. I’m not an educator nor an expert in BDSM by any means. Read other sources and work out what works best for you, especially in regards to your dynamic.

As the Owner of My beloved S. I value rules and protocol highly. Does My beloved S love all My rules? Well, no. In fact, there are times when I am sure he wonders why I want something done a certain way. What he does like is the control that I am able to give him through these rules, protocols, and the punishments that come when they are not followed. It gives him a sense of peace and control.

What sort of things can limit how protocols and rules are done? Well, illness or a tragic event. If My beloved S is not well I will ask him if he is up to a scene or to the tasks. I have to trust him that he will not lie and he has to trust that I always have his best interests at heart. At the moment, his family situation means that he is unable to completely devote himself. In time, he will be able to.

A lot of the time the rules and protocols are tied to limits (hard and soft), expectations, and these are discussed prior to a scene taking place. In my experience, do not deal with a Dominant or a submissive who does not want to know these things. Personally, I like to have these things in writing before going into any scenes. I want to know health concerns (mental or physical), about their goals and kink philosophy is, whether they understand consent and safety words, and well, whether they are a fucking psycho or not.

Trying to work out protocols that fit with both of our schedules and comfort levels has been a challenge. Learning the difference in how the both of us think has been interesting. My beloved S loves protocol, control, and his submission. While I don’t relate to that sort of thing.

 

 

Female Led Relationship — Only way for me.

The recent months have been incredibly when it comes to our relationship, and I feel about things in general. I don’t think I could ever go back to a vanilla relationship again. In FLR, I am happy and I have grown through it. It feels normal. It feels right. If you had of asked me years ago whether this relationship is what I want. I would have said no or ummed and ahhhed about it. You know when you have that “ohhh now I get it” moment? I’ve had it.

I haven’t read my earlier entry about female domination in a while. Yet  those who are interested are welcome to view it here.

I’ve had issues with accepting some parts of it. I’m highly sentimental when it comes to the past. This growth does not and will never erase the past of the earlier parts of the relationship. I still consider myself to be a switch. Years ago it used to be 50/50. Now? It is more akin to 95% Dominant and 5% submissive. Part of accepting who I am has been a longer road than I previously thought. Where is My sub side now? Well, I’m not sure. A part of me was scared to lose the dynamic that was part of the reason why My beloved S and I got together in the first place. It is still there. I need to have some time to reflect on this. Part of taking care of this side of me is to keep me happy and pleased. Happy wife, happy life. As the saying goes.

I’ve noticed a change in the way I speak to him. I ask for his opinion and thoughts. Yet I am the one who sets the tone for the relationship. What I say goes. Since then we have both been happier. There are times when I make him do things I know he doesn’t necessarily want to do. The combination of feelings. I can hear the change in his voice when it happens.

The submission and the peace he feels through it.

His submission at times has amazed me, and at first, frightened me a little. Now? Not at all.

It is Mine and belongs to Me.

A female led relationship?

Before My beloved S this is not something that I would have truly considered. I’ve always been called bossy. While generous and kind towards my loved ones. I also have a self-centered part of my nature. Growing and embracing my Dominant side has been a challenge. It has been incredibly rewarding. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. Yet there are plenty of times when I’ve caught myself not taking control from My beloved S or not punishing him as I should. Bad habits are something I need to work on in order to be better at it. I also don’t want to cause My S any confusion by not being consistent.

I do not like the term female supremacy for our relationship. Nor do I like the term male supremacy when we switch, either. Not all females are his better or superior. Not even me, despite what he says. He chose me. The term female supremacy implies that there is no choice associated with it.

Deep down, I do not see him as my inferior. I see him as My other half. He gives Me a lot of balance, peace, growth, and joy. He is my partner, best friend, co-pilot, and my team mate. If tomorrow he said he wanted to have solely a vanilla relationship. We would discuss it. I would give up kink for him, and I hope he would do the same for me if it ever came up.

A friend of mine explained that our relationship is a mixture of one between soul mates and twin souls. Quite a combination! Although another interesting tidbit was that supposedly in a past life the gender roles were reversed. I was the male and he was the female. While I do not necessarily believe entirely in these sorts of things. It is quite accurate, and feels right. From a logical standpoint, we have mutual goals we both know and want to work on in order to get the life we want.

I have always loved making decisions. Especially when I am given different viewpoints and ideas to help me in the process of it. The truth can the difficult. Especially when you admit it to yourself. I enjoying the control of him. A part of me still feels quite uneasy when I say that.

I still have quite a lot of things to learn and worth through. Fortunately my S and I still have a considerable amount of time before it does happen. A perfect learning opportunity! Both of us are still seeing it through a lense with sexuality as the main focus. He has told me that he likes women leading him and has always expressed an admirable for female characters with leadership qualities. He also loves, supports and happily takes control of my submissive side.

This sounds more like it would influence our vanilla side of things.

So, lots of learning, pondering and soul searching for me.

A female perspective: Dominance

I got this idea from sirsnumber1kitten and I would like to thank her for it.

Female dominance has been something that I am still learning about. I am blessed to have My beloved s, who has said in the past that he is mostly submissive to women, and yet, I don’t want him to be submissive to all women. I want for him to be submissive to me only. I have been calling emasculating, dominating, intimidating, and a ball buster in my past relationships after I began to heal. Although I had the beginnings of this earlier. I had conflict with the expectation society tends to place on women, and to be nice. I hate that term now.

I like traditional masculinity in many ways. I admire strength, a determination and drive to succeed, a protective nature, and leadership qualities in a person. These traits are also appealing in women as well. If s was not strong, it would not work between us. I want to build him up so he can kneel better to me. I don’t want a broken husk of a person. I want someone in their best shape. Inside and out.

At times, I get doubts and wonder how this will go for me. Many men, in particular, believe that females are naturally submissive and to loosely quote one. “Women are naturally submissive.” I do not buy into the whole one gender (being a bit cisnormative here) is superior. People vary. Some men are Dominant and some are submissive. Some women are Dominant and some are submissive. Some are a mix of the two. As a switch, I have often found my Domme side to be looked at as being temporary or that makes me an alpha slave. Even among other Dominant women. Coming out as a switch was harder than coming out as bisexual.

Part of my concern is for My beloved s. Society does not treat submissive men positively, even now. Yet many famous men were respectful, even at times, submissive to their wives or mistresses. It is their place of peace. I have known many a Dominant man who would sub in secret.

For me? I like a mixture of all my different personas. I like elements of the vanilla lifestyle, I love him subbing to me, and I love subbing to him. After all, he lives to serve all my needs and desires. Subbing is a need that I have.

I am soft, gentle, and reassuring. I am cruel, kind, and a bit vindictive with him. Another thing, I have been is there is more criticism for the various types of Dommes. Even at times, more viciousness Dominant women have for other Dominant women. Although women in general have been raised in a competitive culture, at least, in regards to finding appealing men. I have also found the phrase “fake Domme” tends to be thrown around when a would-be male sub does not get their way, and there is a demanding side of things. So many subs expect, no, try to demand your time. I have encountered this from women although mainly from men. It is always frustrating to deal with.

With My beloved s is always respectful, and is my perfect match.