Reflection: My understanding of submission.

I love to sit and reflect on the past.

I probably do it too often. It can’t hurt to look back and see how far I have come. I talked with my S about things the other day. One of the things that stood out to me was how I viewed submission, and how it was beneficial. I didn’t realise that former me even really had this bias. However, I totally did.

A part of me wondered why S craved and needed it so badly. Even when I took ownership of him, a part of me still wondered whether this was a good thing for him. There were times when I even wondered whether I could do it.

Submission is what he needs.

He is submissive.

It is where his soul is happy.

It is where he is happiest. It is, well, it where his soul is where it is supposed to be.

This isn’t for everyone. No-one should be pressured into submitting to someone they don’t want to. It also brought up how I viewed my Domination. I’m happier when I am in the Dominant role within a relationship. It is where I am happiest and strongest. Besides not being ready. I think that was a lot of issues with my previous relationships. Although that is another large and ranty blog about a range of things, lol.

Being vulnerable to your partner is not a sign of weakness. I love when we switch although this is natural for us.

Before My beloved S, I don’t think I really understood it before and this, is perfect.

We laugh, play games together, watch movies, chat about anything and everything, yet with a click of My fingers. It all changes. My beloved S is always Mine. Always. Yet the protocol level changes.

I am so incredibly blessed.

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Switches can’t be Dominant.

Do you like my clickbait as fuck title? 😉

I utterly disagree with the subject. Switches can be Dominant, and some of the best Dominants I have ever encountered have been switches.

I’ve received some comments on and off about switches not being Dominant or not fitting into an idiot’s limited view of Domination. If some of them read through my blog entries they would be able to see that they questions had already been answered, several times, in fact. I’ve been into BDSM in varying degrees since I was about sixteen. Yes, I was underage and no I absolutely do not recommend it to anyone.

Switches can be Dominant.

Switches can be submissive.

Why is it so hard for people to understand that people can be variable? They don’t need to fit into little boxes to suit your limited world view. Every switch is different. Just like every Dominant is different. And every submissive is different.

 

Here is a loose summary of some different switches that I have met over the years.

  • Some sub to only one partner.
  • Some Dom only one partner.
  • Some are submissive to one gender yet Dominate with another.
  • Some are submissive to a particular race.
  • Some are Dominant for certain kinks and others are submissive.
  • Some switch about 50% of the time.
  • Some lean towards Dominant.
  • Some lead towards submissive.

 

Now there are a variety of reasons why some people switch. Here are some that I have heard and I would like to share. To be fair, some of these could be applied for topping/bottoming as well and there is some overlap.

  • It is a need they have.
  • They are able to learn fresh skills and get refreshers for various things.
  • It helps them get into their submissive’s head better.
  • Denying one part of themselves would be lying about who they are.
  • They do not like the restrictive mindset that some kinksters have and are open to a variety of experiences.
  • It feels right for them.

 

This isn’t quite the same thing. I have heard that some people think that were submissives cannot make good Dominants. I can understand while some Dominants don’t align with being submissive, and that is perfectly okay. Again. Why limit other people to your own view of the world? I think part of this comes from an ignorant standpoint about how submissives are viewed.

A baby wears size 00 clothes and it fit for them. No-one in the right mind would expect an adult to wear it. So why do people try to put a label on them that has not fit for some time?

It makes absolutely zero sense.

Growth and change is a thing.

Okay… I swear, no more ranting today.

Online D/s moving to RL D/s

I’ve already written about online Domination here. Check it out if you are interested how I choose to do it. There are many different styles and avenues of doing online D/s. Although that isn’t quite what this blog entry is going to be about. What happens when the online world begins to move into move into the real one?

For some people the online realm is a place of fantasy. With no intention or desire to expand outside it. But for some? It changes and evolves. There are a lot of differing opinions about whether or not it is worthwhile. That is a question only you can answer for yourself.

The transition for My beloved S and I is going to be great one. I own him already. He belongs to Me and he is mine. Yet there is an ocean between us. There are relationship issues and matters concerning child support with him. There are many smaller issues that will take time to be sorted out. You know, the more boring but essential things in life such as; bills, health insurance, and dealings with vanilla family members. There is a strong chance S’ son will be there at least some of the time. While my mother will likely live with us as she ages. Our relationship combines M/s and vanilla elements together.

Then there would be learning about all of his health concerns. Would he be willing to kneel at My feet of hours? Of course, and he would love too. However, My slave has bad knees to put into consideration for his health and well being.

What will happen will be a review of health and limits. Things will need to go slow in order to build up towards the goal of having a 24/7 dynamic. My slave (and I) have both been working on our physical and mental health so when we do meet each other for the first time we are ready.

Communication. Making sure the pair of you are on the same page is vital.

I also recommend that if you are planning on meeting someone to follow safety steps. This is not to prevent you from getting physically hurt but to understand what sort of thing is involved.

I have no doubt there will be extremely kinky moments. I already have plans on how I am going to train him to be My perfect slave. Although there will be a lot of love and tender moments. I’ve had some criticism for this. At first, this sort of thing would bother Me a lot. Like the discrimination that a lot of switches face although that is another journal entry that I could write a lot about. (And technically, I haven’t made a journal entry specifically about that and I hope to fix that sometime soon.)

I have already written up a preliminary draft of the protocols and rules I will expect him to live by as My slave. It is more likely it will start as more of a D/s than a M/s scenario until My S is ready for the change, and well, to make sure he has earned it!

Anyway, I have to focus on revising for this damn exam and getting my last assignment done. All the best everyone!

Female Led Relationship — Only way for me.

The recent months have been incredibly when it comes to our relationship, and I feel about things in general. I don’t think I could ever go back to a vanilla relationship again. In FLR, I am happy and I have grown through it. It feels normal. It feels right. If you had of asked me years ago whether this relationship is what I want. I would have said no or ummed and ahhhed about it. You know when you have that “ohhh now I get it” moment? I’ve had it.

I haven’t read my earlier entry about female domination in a while. Yet  those who are interested are welcome to view it here.

I’ve had issues with accepting some parts of it. I’m highly sentimental when it comes to the past. This growth does not and will never erase the past of the earlier parts of the relationship. I still consider myself to be a switch. Years ago it used to be 50/50. Now? It is more akin to 95% Dominant and 5% submissive. Part of accepting who I am has been a longer road than I previously thought. Where is My sub side now? Well, I’m not sure. A part of me was scared to lose the dynamic that was part of the reason why My beloved S and I got together in the first place. It is still there. I need to have some time to reflect on this. Part of taking care of this side of me is to keep me happy and pleased. Happy wife, happy life. As the saying goes.

I’ve noticed a change in the way I speak to him. I ask for his opinion and thoughts. Yet I am the one who sets the tone for the relationship. What I say goes. Since then we have both been happier. There are times when I make him do things I know he doesn’t necessarily want to do. The combination of feelings. I can hear the change in his voice when it happens.

The submission and the peace he feels through it.

His submission at times has amazed me, and at first, frightened me a little. Now? Not at all.

It is Mine and belongs to Me.

Advice for Minors — BDSM

Like many people who are interested in BDSM. It started at an early age. I can’t give specifics but I fantasied about tying people up and being tied up in turn. My sexuality was a little strange as a child. I wouldn’t say my parents were overly conservative. If I had any questions, they answered them. We learned how to talk about our body parts. Private parts was used. Although we were encouraged to say the proper names and understood that these were parts of our bodies. By my early teens I had issues from being sexually abused and it caused a considerable amount of inner conflict for me. Although from the outside? I was happy and normal. Although I started to comfort eat and it puzzled my parents at the time.

My fascination with BDSM led to me writing fanfiction (good lord, I am not showing anyone. Burn it in the flames), watching porn, thinking about it and otherwise wanting to do it. The internet was an amazing place for me. I had made several friends already.

I made a dating profile on an adult website when I was fifteen years old. I was already sexually active by that age, and wanting to do more. I had some play with boyfriends already but nothing serious. I remember what it felt like. I wanted to know more. I wanted to experience it and everyone was telling me that I was too young.

Except a few people.

Looking back, I’m beginning to wonder whether it was grooming and it very well could have been. I’m lucky that I didn’t die in the process.

My Advice for Underage people.

  • Writing and reading about BDSM is okay. There is nothing wrong or shameful about doing it at a younger age. Journaling is a fun way to do it. Although it may raise a few eyebrows if you parents ever find it.
  • Learn about safety.
  • Remember that you don’t know everything. Hell, you have a lot to learn.
  • No. You are not a fucking Master/Mistress. Shut the flying fuck up right now.
  • Do not participate in communities. Although I do wonder whether a seminar or advice for those 16 years and up would work. I’m not sure of the legalities and I’m not encouraging anyone to participate with them.
  • Be patient. I know, I know.. I fucking hating hearing it, too. Wait until you are eighteen and go to a munch for the first time. You are not obligated to do anything with anyone. It is a good starting point for you.
  • Learn the ins and outs of what is considered acceptable behaviours or not.
  • Read blogs. Such as mine (shameless plug) although really, read a lot of different blogs.
  • Learn about your body. Enjoy it. If you can’t say names of parts or functions, start with those things.

There are probably more but my brain is fried today.

I hope everyone is doing well.

A female led relationship?

Before My beloved S this is not something that I would have truly considered. I’ve always been called bossy. While generous and kind towards my loved ones. I also have a self-centered part of my nature. Growing and embracing my Dominant side has been a challenge. It has been incredibly rewarding. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. Yet there are plenty of times when I’ve caught myself not taking control from My beloved S or not punishing him as I should. Bad habits are something I need to work on in order to be better at it. I also don’t want to cause My S any confusion by not being consistent.

I do not like the term female supremacy for our relationship. Nor do I like the term male supremacy when we switch, either. Not all females are his better or superior. Not even me, despite what he says. He chose me. The term female supremacy implies that there is no choice associated with it.

Deep down, I do not see him as my inferior. I see him as My other half. He gives Me a lot of balance, peace, growth, and joy. He is my partner, best friend, co-pilot, and my team mate. If tomorrow he said he wanted to have solely a vanilla relationship. We would discuss it. I would give up kink for him, and I hope he would do the same for me if it ever came up.

A friend of mine explained that our relationship is a mixture of one between soul mates and twin souls. Quite a combination! Although another interesting tidbit was that supposedly in a past life the gender roles were reversed. I was the male and he was the female. While I do not necessarily believe entirely in these sorts of things. It is quite accurate, and feels right. From a logical standpoint, we have mutual goals we both know and want to work on in order to get the life we want.

I have always loved making decisions. Especially when I am given different viewpoints and ideas to help me in the process of it. The truth can the difficult. Especially when you admit it to yourself. I enjoying the control of him. A part of me still feels quite uneasy when I say that.

I still have quite a lot of things to learn and worth through. Fortunately my S and I still have a considerable amount of time before it does happen. A perfect learning opportunity! Both of us are still seeing it through a lense with sexuality as the main focus. He has told me that he likes women leading him and has always expressed an admirable for female characters with leadership qualities. He also loves, supports and happily takes control of my submissive side.

This sounds more like it would influence our vanilla side of things.

So, lots of learning, pondering and soul searching for me.

Looking forward to

This is courtesy of Sayyidsgirl.

When I asked for suggestions about what to write about she asked me (along with several other questions that will be answered as I go through it).

What are you most looking froward to when you and s are finally together in person?

This one is both easy and difficult to answer. There are so many things that I am looking forward to when we are finally together in person. Both from our vanilla and kinky sides. I am going to sound terribly romantic and sentimental. Although the thing I am most looking forward to is holding him in my arms, and being held in his for the first time. To be able to feel the warmth of his skin against him. To hold him. To kiss him for the first time.

We will finally be together.

Romantic stuff aside. 😉

These things will likely take a while. We will need to learn each other’s RL limits and boundaries. It will take a bit of time and I am sure it will only strengthen us. I’m looking forward to the journey of learning about My Dominance and his submission. It has been a change in my personality overall. While the “destination” is a pleasant one, it is not the be all and end all.

I am looking forward to putting the collar around his neck and locking it.

I am looking forward to putting him in chastity and locking him.

I am looking forward to having him put the necklace with the two keys dangling from it around my neck.

I’m looking forward to giving him a set ritual to follow everyday. While he has one, it is quite small and will be improved on. I’m looking forward to snuggling into him. Gazing into his eyes while he is driven wild by lust and comforted into submission through My Domination. Rolling over to snuggle him, or to wake him up after he slept in the cage to bathe Me and worship My pussy.