Switching it up.

I’ve been having some issues when it came to my submission of late. It had not been used or utilised. My beloved S and I have been struggling to find the right time to switch, things were not matching up, and it caused considerable friction for us. We had heartfelt discussion about things. It was nice and like a breath of fresh air. S told me that he did not want for his Dominance or my submission to disappear. Both of those things were important to him.

We brought up the struggles again and I told him a way he could look at it. He is taking care of me. He is serving me. He is doing the job that other people cannot do and he is by far the best person for the job. He told me it made him feel/sounded like a service top. It isn’t how I see him at all. He is my Owner. It is a technique he can use in order to get into the mental space that he needs to get into the zone.

The change that comes over him is incredibly sexy. There was a time when he did not embrace certain sides of himself. He becomes quietly confident. He is when he is submissive as well. Although it is a different type of confidence? A lot of Dominants will boost about their abilities to a point where they become nothing but a parody of Dominance. They sound like boasting little boys (or little girls) with absolutely nothing to back it up. I think that has been a lot of my problem with Dominants in the past.

I love seeing my beloved S when he is happy and serving him when I am this mindset. Although I admit, I like seeing him happy and growing with him in either one.

S has decided that I am submissive in our dynamic until further notice. It will be interesting to see how long he lasts. It has been a long time since there has been long term submission.

I feel more confident and happy in this side of myself again. Feeling accepted and embraced by your partner is vital. Although if I did not have patience and jumped the gun I may have stopped something that brings great amounts of pleasure to us both. Both of us needed that time. I am going to ask him sometime what brought the change in him sometime. It would be interesting to see what he has to say about it.

I have to say. This is the healthiest relationship that I have ever been in. Any issues or disagreements? There is discussion and healthy compromise with both of us. The differing dynamics between us heightens our relationship. It doesn’t hinder it.

A lot of people don’t seem to get it or they think either of us is not sincere in our submission or we are both secretly submissives. Or a whole heap of other bullshit. Why enter the world of BDSM if your mind is going to be closed in by so many of societies values? Hell, why do you complain when people don’t respond well to your dynamic but spout a heap of bullshit about others?

I think it is time for another rant blog about that, actually. lol

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Questions for My beloved s

Question time!

I have decided it would be interesting for people to post questions to My beloved S. He is my slave, partner, Master, and more. He is also a switch and I think it would be interesting to share his thoughts.

Feel free to comment with your questions for him!

These questions can be BDSM related and I’m interested in seeing what you all come up with for him. 😉

Gags — Why do I love them?

Gags. So many types. Each with their own perks.

I love gags. I love gagging people. I love being gagged when I switch with My beloved s. There is something powerful about physically talking away someone’s ability to speak clearly. There is the mental gag, where silence is maintained due to instruction although that is also powerful. There are reflections of this in real life with negative results. Such as being silenced in matters of law, or watching a loved one deal with an abusive individual, and many other things. This blog is about the fun gagging.

Why do I love it?

I love to talk. My words are usually quite assertive at the best of times. I like getting to know people. Teasing people, especially using my voice in order to tease My beloved s. When I am gagged by Him I lose this ability. Although I am still capable of moaning, purring and making muffled sounds to tease him. I love that I drool and it mimics how wet I get down before, especially when I’m tied with my arms close to my body. My other forms of expression become more intense, it’s an incredible feeling. It is one tool in My beloved s’ toolkit to help me get into my submissive mindset.

And there is the added benefit of if some part of play does hurt. I won’t crack my teeth or tongue by biting down. It does mean other signals to My beloved s (or any other Dominant entrusted for a scene) become more important. They need to keep an eye out and check my status regularly. It helps to know there would be that form of consideration put in place for my benefit.

What don’t I like so much?

With some gags you are still able to breathe. If I get sinus or any form of congestion it can provoke anxiety and panic attacks. If it is in my mouth for too long it can cause pain from being in the wrong position. It aches and is the wrong sort of pain/helplessness. It takes me out of my submissive mindset and reminds me of some of my more negative experiences.

The Symbolism

Play aside, I like the symbolism that it can entail. In real life, I would not allow someone I did not considerably trust to gag me.

That’s it for now.

More on submission

More on submission

I may be writing this while I avoid doing my latest assignment. I have wondered more on my submissive side and what drew me to my beloved S. My Master, My slave, my everything

I dabbled in submission before yet found I struggled to respect many of the Dominants I ended up with. Many were fuckboys (and girls!), abusive people, or narcissists. None of them were adults mentally. Later I will get into that side of things. Mainly it is being a decent human being but this is not the topic for that.

My beloved s was patient, kind, reassuring, and did not try to threaten me. At the time, S had other submissives who were abusive. Again, another topic. Around me and alone, S would embrace his dominant side without assuming or playing the role they prescribed for him. It was natural for us both. As is my dominance over him. Again another topic.

I can be all parts of my submissive side. I can cry. I can be a cheeky brat. I can focus solely on pleasing him. I can beg. I can be a complete slut. I can take pain. I can have my senses controlled through His will. I can be gagged. I can be blind.  I can serve.

I can be helpless.

 

My submissive side loves the control he has over me. All my senses become heightened. It is a perfect way to learn more about myself. He did not need to be pushy or aggressive.

He leaves me wet thinking about our next encounter.

I love all sides of our dynamic.

The Switch — Equal parts.

The Switch

I am a proud switch. It has taken many questions, reflective moments, trials, and dealing with a lot of prejudice in order to reach this point.

I used to be a switch. 50/50. In the middle or thereabouts. Needing both the Domme and the submissive to feel balanced, happy, and ready to face the world. Over time, this has become closer to 70-80 in favour of Dominant over submissive. I have no shame in knowing my submissive side remains. I have My beloved s who has encouraged both to grow and develop in ways I could not imagine. I am his Domina, Owner, and Mistress. He is My property. Yet on the same side of the coin,  I am His slave, property, and completely His. I am blessed that I have someone who is not only supports me. But who will also share a rich vanilla life with as well.

What prejudices were there?

Oh.. oh… this could be its own topic.

I have heard switches referred to as “bossy submissives” or “alpha submissives”. While that could be the case for some. It is not universal. That denies My Domme side, something I do not appreciate nor do I like someone else try to identify who I am.

I have known Dominants who have wanted to try switching and felt the need to do it in secret or they may lose Dominant credibility. I have found this online as well. With several communities limiting switches access to Dominant groups, however, they were fine with them going to submissive groups. Because we all know that switches are secretly subs, right? -rolls eyes-

Most of the time it is assumed that switches are submissives in waiting or are in denial. I am unable to find the source of this prejudice. I have found Dominants realising they are submissives. I have found submissives realising they are Dominant.

Why is there such a heavy stigma against switches?

Is it that no-one can put you into a neat little box?

What benefits are there?

Besides filling a need?

I get a better understanding of my Domme side through embracing my submissive side. Seeing and experiencing things from an alternative point of view is important. I regularly get reminded of the feelings of obedience, submission, and putting aside my own will. It is not an easy task. I believe this makes me a far better Domme.

Each submissive and Dominant has different needs. However, I experienced how some Dominants are terrible —  I know never to make that mistake ever again. I also know never to make any decisions about how it would potentially damage a submissive.

Both sides improve and hone the opposite side.

What are the downsides?

Sometimes it is difficult to work out what side I am thinking with at the time. I call this the “greyzone”. I can feel unbalanced, upset and often frustrated during this time.  I find submitting difficult and leading awkward. This is usually a time when I need to relax and reflect. Communicating what the problem is can be difficult so I do my best. It is something I still need to work on.

 

The meat of the blog

I need to express myself.

Actually, that sounds so melodramatic. Everyone needs to express themselves. It is important for all humans to do.

I love to write. Dissecting my personality has been a process done out of necessity. My mental health, even my life, has been focused on learning or re-learning healthy thinking patterns.

I have RL bdsm experience, although…. not much. At least, not as much as I would like. Some self-learning and discovery. I’m beginning to realise how dangerous what I was doing was. How limiting… etc.

While I have been in SL since 2015 or so. I have dabbled with dominants since then and a couple of submissives.  I believed I was too immature to take a collar, even a virtual one, for a submissive or slave. Some of the experiences were dull. I remember rolling my eyes and painting my nails during. Laughing about it with a friend about how awful they were, yet feeling safe that this idiot was online. Not in the real world.

Why didn’t I walk away back then?

There are millions of things for me to spend my time on.

For more, click below.

Continue reading “The meat of the blog”