Switching it up.

I’ve been having some issues when it came to my submission of late. It had not been used or utilised. My beloved S and I have been struggling to find the right time to switch, things were not matching up, and it caused considerable friction for us. We had heartfelt discussion about things. It was nice and like a breath of fresh air. S told me that he did not want for his Dominance or my submission to disappear. Both of those things were important to him.

We brought up the struggles again and I told him a way he could look at it. He is taking care of me. He is serving me. He is doing the job that other people cannot do and he is by far the best person for the job. He told me it made him feel/sounded like a service top. It isn’t how I see him at all. He is my Owner. It is a technique he can use in order to get into the mental space that he needs to get into the zone.

The change that comes over him is incredibly sexy. There was a time when he did not embrace certain sides of himself. He becomes quietly confident. He is when he is submissive as well. Although it is a different type of confidence? A lot of Dominants will boost about their abilities to a point where they become nothing but a parody of Dominance. They sound like boasting little boys (or little girls) with absolutely nothing to back it up. I think that has been a lot of my problem with Dominants in the past.

I love seeing my beloved S when he is happy and serving him when I am this mindset. Although I admit, I like seeing him happy and growing with him in either one.

S has decided that I am submissive in our dynamic until further notice. It will be interesting to see how long he lasts. It has been a long time since there has been long term submission.

I feel more confident and happy in this side of myself again. Feeling accepted and embraced by your partner is vital. Although if I did not have patience and jumped the gun I may have stopped something that brings great amounts of pleasure to us both. Both of us needed that time. I am going to ask him sometime what brought the change in him sometime. It would be interesting to see what he has to say about it.

I have to say. This is the healthiest relationship that I have ever been in. Any issues or disagreements? There is discussion and healthy compromise with both of us. The differing dynamics between us heightens our relationship. It doesn’t hinder it.

A lot of people don’t seem to get it or they think either of us is not sincere in our submission or we are both secretly submissives. Or a whole heap of other bullshit. Why enter the world of BDSM if your mind is going to be closed in by so many of societies values? Hell, why do you complain when people don’t respond well to your dynamic but spout a heap of bullshit about others?

I think it is time for another rant blog about that, actually. lol

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Online D/s moving to RL D/s

I’ve already written about online Domination here. Check it out if you are interested how I choose to do it. There are many different styles and avenues of doing online D/s. Although that isn’t quite what this blog entry is going to be about. What happens when the online world begins to move into move into the real one?

For some people the online realm is a place of fantasy. With no intention or desire to expand outside it. But for some? It changes and evolves. There are a lot of differing opinions about whether or not it is worthwhile. That is a question only you can answer for yourself.

The transition for My beloved S and I is going to be great one. I own him already. He belongs to Me and he is mine. Yet there is an ocean between us. There are relationship issues and matters concerning child support with him. There are many smaller issues that will take time to be sorted out. You know, the more boring but essential things in life such as; bills, health insurance, and dealings with vanilla family members. There is a strong chance S’ son will be there at least some of the time. While my mother will likely live with us as she ages. Our relationship combines M/s and vanilla elements together.

Then there would be learning about all of his health concerns. Would he be willing to kneel at My feet of hours? Of course, and he would love too. However, My slave has bad knees to put into consideration for his health and well being.

What will happen will be a review of health and limits. Things will need to go slow in order to build up towards the goal of having a 24/7 dynamic. My slave (and I) have both been working on our physical and mental health so when we do meet each other for the first time we are ready.

Communication. Making sure the pair of you are on the same page is vital.

I also recommend that if you are planning on meeting someone to follow safety steps. This is not to prevent you from getting physically hurt but to understand what sort of thing is involved.

I have no doubt there will be extremely kinky moments. I already have plans on how I am going to train him to be My perfect slave. Although there will be a lot of love and tender moments. I’ve had some criticism for this. At first, this sort of thing would bother Me a lot. Like the discrimination that a lot of switches face although that is another journal entry that I could write a lot about. (And technically, I haven’t made a journal entry specifically about that and I hope to fix that sometime soon.)

I have already written up a preliminary draft of the protocols and rules I will expect him to live by as My slave. It is more likely it will start as more of a D/s than a M/s scenario until My S is ready for the change, and well, to make sure he has earned it!

Anyway, I have to focus on revising for this damn exam and getting my last assignment done. All the best everyone!

Female Led Relationship — Only way for me.

The recent months have been incredibly when it comes to our relationship, and I feel about things in general. I don’t think I could ever go back to a vanilla relationship again. In FLR, I am happy and I have grown through it. It feels normal. It feels right. If you had of asked me years ago whether this relationship is what I want. I would have said no or ummed and ahhhed about it. You know when you have that “ohhh now I get it” moment? I’ve had it.

I haven’t read my earlier entry about female domination in a while. Yet  those who are interested are welcome to view it here.

I’ve had issues with accepting some parts of it. I’m highly sentimental when it comes to the past. This growth does not and will never erase the past of the earlier parts of the relationship. I still consider myself to be a switch. Years ago it used to be 50/50. Now? It is more akin to 95% Dominant and 5% submissive. Part of accepting who I am has been a longer road than I previously thought. Where is My sub side now? Well, I’m not sure. A part of me was scared to lose the dynamic that was part of the reason why My beloved S and I got together in the first place. It is still there. I need to have some time to reflect on this. Part of taking care of this side of me is to keep me happy and pleased. Happy wife, happy life. As the saying goes.

I’ve noticed a change in the way I speak to him. I ask for his opinion and thoughts. Yet I am the one who sets the tone for the relationship. What I say goes. Since then we have both been happier. There are times when I make him do things I know he doesn’t necessarily want to do. The combination of feelings. I can hear the change in his voice when it happens.

The submission and the peace he feels through it.

His submission at times has amazed me, and at first, frightened me a little. Now? Not at all.

It is Mine and belongs to Me.

Developments in BDSM & life

This is rambly and will likely not make much in the way of sense. Many of my usual readers will know this already. 😛

I have thought more today about how I have developed in a Dominant role. The concept of ownership is no longer a strange or even a kink based one. It is simply as it is. It feels natural yet it is something that I work to develop as well.

This was strange, for a long time I had a habit of either going to extremes with my responsibilities. Going too far with my perceived obligation or fleeing from any responsibility out of fear of messing things up, or not being worthy. My beloved S used to insist that he wants to be trained to be My perfect slave. I would always tell him that he was already, and he would politely question it. I’m beginning to realise what he was getting at. A part of my personality wants to people please in a way. It may not be the best thing for a Dominant to say. I never want for My beloved S to feel bad about himself. I didn’t realise by saying something when it wasn’t true at this time could be taken as an insult. Not that S took it that way.

This goes back to communication and I feel some parts of the remnants of prior abuse. I lock up, worry, and truly forget to breathe. I has been something that I feel I will need to work on for sometime. My beloved S has told me that he wants/needs me to punish him when he disobeys or breaks protocol. Knowing he disappointed me feels worse for him. The punishment resolves things and it goes back to a clean slate. Now in the past for us to move on from. I think it is that part that the pair of us both like the most. There isn’t a sneaky, holding it over a person’s head that can happen in other relationships. Not all relationships (D/s/M/s or otherwise) are like ours. This is how we both find things.

Slowly but surely we are moving towards making our relationship forward. S’s situation makes things difficult. There is a vindictive person involved in the relationship who will likely try to damage the relationship with the child, possibly will overreact and who has already tried to sabotage S’s friendships/relationships. A child. One of us would have to move and working out where, when, etc is tricky without bring BDSM into things.

I have never met anyone who is more funny or who I can have such deep conversations with. Yes, this is me getting excited and all swoony.

Each role during this process gives us both peace and happiness. It gives us structure to follow. This is sounding pretty cheesy but fuck it. I have never met anyone who calms me down, fires me up, inspires me, supports me, loves me as I am and utterly encourages my growth. We have our moments and our trials.

 

Conversation: Progress & Listening.

The conversation I intended to have (and had been dreading) has taken place. It turns out that it went much better than I had expected. Both of us spoke and listened to each other. It turns out the wrong phrasing was used. It is loved, valued, cherished, and absolutely wanted. We both gave each other space. Listened. It is in the progress of being resolved, and the pair of us are working on a solution to the problem.

A part of me is scared that it is open with without the secrecy or underhanded behaviour that I have experienced in the past. It is refreshing yet also terrifying at the same time. I need to re-learn how to communicate effectively with people. My beloved S has helped me with this already, but this has been a sign that both of us could do with a refresher. Both of us have had negative experiences with people trying to use hurt or past errors as a way to control or manipulate.

Overall, it went well. 🙂

 

Questions for My beloved s

Question time!

I have decided it would be interesting for people to post questions to My beloved S. He is my slave, partner, Master, and more. He is also a switch and I think it would be interesting to share his thoughts.

Feel free to comment with your questions for him!

These questions can be BDSM related and I’m interested in seeing what you all come up with for him. 😉

Fucking timezones

I haven’t posted for a while. I started a few blog posts although I thought I would do a quick catch up. I have a couple about negative experiences in BDSM, relationship advice (or well, thoughts), and frustrations about improving my health.

Timezones are killing us right now. One of us has to stay up late to spend time with the other. I have assignments, trying to get my business off the ground, working on trying to lose weight, organise savings/financial plans, and move forward with things. I have to stay up later to get some time with him (as does he with me). During the day is when we get a lot of time together although it can be frustrating when I have a lot to do.

Everything all comes at once. It always does. It will pass but the current is pretty sucky at the moment.

I’m looking forward to when our timezones connect up so one of us isn’t staying up late or I’m having to reschedule work at night. I get tired and I regularly burn myself out if I don’t keep an eye on it. I have high standards and unfortunately I usually end up being frustrated with the people around me.

Does anyone have any advice for people in long term relationships? Or ideas?