I should be sleeping right now. My brain is wide awake and I’m multitasking on the uni work I am slightly behind on, and writing this.
Labels are something that can help you to identify things. They are associated with certain people, behaviours, traits, and more. I have seen people try to bully others into accepting a label. (Usually telling someone they are a submissive because they are magical and somehow know). I am not too sure what the situation was. However, I saw a woman imply that a Domme in the early stages of her journey was a sub, and was not respecting the responses that were given. With snotty responses in return and when I came back they had been deleted.
Again, I do not know what it was about or if I was looking too far into it. However, it has been something that has irritated me for some time. Therefore I have to rant about it because that is how I roll. 😉
Mind your own damn business.
Telling someone what their identity is and without them asking is creepy. A blog is for personal thoughts, fears, aspirations, and they tend to be quite raw. You see more flaws in a blog than you likely would otherwise. Doubts and negativity seem to be highlighted. It is often the inner thoughts that they are venting, trying to work things out and sort through it all.
Think to yourself. Are you a friend? A mentor? Someone with an interest in helping someone grow? Or are you trying to flatter your ego? Are they trying to force their view of you on you? Possibly even force a Domme to her knees to submit to you because you are the best Dom/me ever and know all the secrets of their heart and soul.
Yes, that was oddly specific. And yes, an idiot told me that at one point.
The term submissive (and shortened versions & s-types) are not insults.
When I see a Dom/me or a Dominant leaning switch or whatever attempt to intimidate someone using this (or trying to). I wonder about how much respect they have truly have for their subs. Consensual humiliation aside. How arrogant does someone have to be to belittle someone? Submission is a choice.
It is bullying. I also have to wonder whether see BDSM in a cliche relationship that you see in porn. Usually I do not get along with these types of people for obvious reasons.
The word “true” thrown around.
I’ve had negative experiences associated with this phrase.
I have found people use it to restrict other people through their views. You are a “true” submissive. Usually this is said by someone who is trying to manipulate. I had a Dominant try to tell me that my “true” state was a submissive and I was fighting who I “truly” was. I was going through a long period of illness and dealing with the loss of a family friend. Actually, I have a feeling I’ll do a blog post on this, too.
There are different reasons why someone may or may not be very “deep” into their submission at this point.
- You might not be the right Dominant for them.
- They may have other commitments.
- They may be in the wrong time during their life.
- They are still learning about themselves.
There may be issues that someone is having with their ability to Dominate, as well.
- Illness or other forms of outside strain.
- The wrong submissive for them.
- Wrong time in their life.
- Still learning what type of a Dom they are/aspire to be.
There are likely many more, too.
I think doing this sort of thing is harmful because it removes someone’s autonomy over themselves and their identity. Potentially it could limit their desire to try new things. This lifestyle and people are not stagnant. Things alter and change in time.
Again, I also think it is particularly arrogant.
When can you say something?
I think if consent has waned and the person is being taken advantage of or there is abuse being carried out. Absolutely. In my experience, it has usually been people with narcissistic personality traits who tend to try to force labels on people without their consent. If people need to see for their own well-being, that is understandable yet keep your ego in check.
Don’t stick any label on them.
I think if you are a trusted friend you could ask them questions. It is not your place to tell them who and what they are. It is part of the journey they need to learn for themselves. Ask the person what they think. They likely know but they are on the journey of their own.